Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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