My friends, they love my intelligence
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
