Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
