First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
