so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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