A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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