Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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