girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
