Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize