Only a mothe r could love this liver
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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