my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
