I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
