I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She told me I should be a condom model.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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