you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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