how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
