why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
