this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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