i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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