Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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