Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
