neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
