Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?