oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
