Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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