you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings