So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.