Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there