im about as happy as oj after his trial
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My legs feel like baby dolphins