watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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