So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
