guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
