My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
