her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
whose parrot is this?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need to calm my uterus...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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