Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this hospital has no fireball
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
