Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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