i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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