Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
