i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
