There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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