dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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