The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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