I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
