Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
