what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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