I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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