My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
