Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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