Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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