I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
