the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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