Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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