i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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