Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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