Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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