if you like me you must not know who I am
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
