so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
