I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
