the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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