You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
