My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
