I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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