Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
