the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He better not be in your backpack
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
