All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
