My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
