there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
