YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
