also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
In America we eat man semen.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
