Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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