If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
