Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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