Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
