Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
