If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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