It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
tonight lets celebrate not being married
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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