Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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