It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
